I'm getting married, mama... (Words for my son while floating in the pool)

     I was preparing for a quiet night swim last Saturday, April 28th when my phone rang out the ringtone I knew belonged to my son, Joshua.  I am always happy to hear from either of my children, but I hadn't talked to him in about a week, so I was really glad he was calling.  We talked for several minutes, me asking the usual "mom" questions... how are you? how is college? is your truck running ok now? He answered all of my questions and then told me about a new job he had gotten. I decided this was why he had called, and we discussed the new job and how he would fit it into his college schedule.  My son, who I must say is the Master of Cool, finally said, "Well, I've got some other really good news to tell you.... I'm getting married Mama. I asked Chelsea to marry me tonight."  Having previously decided he had shared all of the "news" with me, you can believe I was floored! I think I screamed so loud the grass jumped! I really, really like the new fiancee (I had actually been concerned he might let this one get away), so of course I was ecstatic!  We talked for a while about the wedding plans, I talked to my future daughter-in-law, congratulated them both, and generally did a happy dance all over the pool area.  After we hung up, I called all of my family with my great news, getting happier and happier all the while....  I was so keyed up 2 hrs later when I finally went for my delayed swim, that I did laps for a couple hours. While I lay floating, gazing up at the stars, I replayed all those "little boy moments" from my son's life. I smiled, cried, laughed, and thanked God Above for putting my son in my life. And I thought of all I wanted to tell him, all I hoped he had learned and remembered, and all he meant to me. These are my words to my youngest child, my little boy who grew up to be a man, a soldier, and now soon a husband.... 

     My Son...

     I remember the day I found out you were gonna be born... I laughed and cried at the same time.  I tried so hard to convince myself I would be happy with a boy or a girl. Your sister was almost 2 yrs old, and I loved having a girl, but I only wanted one more child, and I prayed so hard that God would give me a little boy to love this time... You see son, I grew up with all sisters, and I wanted your sister to have a brother as much as I wanted to know the joys of raising a boy.  My pregnancy was a difficult one, you know all of the details, and when we had to have other tests and procedures done, your daddy and I decided we wanted to know whether we were having a girl or a boy.  I still remember the exact feeling of intense joy when I found out you were a boy... I screamed loudly then, too!  I started buying all kinds of cool "boy toys" and camouflage baby clothes. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be having a boy to go with the little girl I already had!  

     When your daddy and I started picking out names, I knew I wanted your name to mean something special, for me and for you.  After a lot of thought, we finally settled on your name, "Joshua Thomas".  We took the name Joshua from the Old Testament in the Bible. Joshua was a distinguished, courageous man who helped Moses lead the Israelites to the Promised Land.  Because of his belief and faith in God's leading, he was one of the two men (Caleb, you remember, was the other) who had left Egypt, whom God allowed to go into the Promised Land.  He became a great warrior, and led the Israelites to victory in many battles, one of the most famous was the battle of Jericho... you should re-read that story.  As I reflect on this, I realize how very right that name is for you. You are a great leader, and a very courageous soldier.  I know I have told you many, many times how proud of you I am for serving your country as a Soldier in the United States Army. Your mama is a patriotic "nut", I have always cried when the flag waved pretty in the breeze, or when the National Anthem was played.  Seeing you sworn in to the Armed Forces was such a proud moment for me, and I went from being a "patriotic nut" to an "Army Mom".  Watching you grow into the strong, well-mannered, brave young man you have become has been one of my greatest blessings in life.  My hardest day came when you deployed to Afghanistan last year... my very heart felt like it had been wrenched out of my chest and stomped on. It was only because I knew you absolutely knew what you were doing, and that you were completely willing to go, that I could let go of you, turn away from looking into your eyes, and watch you get on that bus... I am in tears just remembering.  That was the longest year of my life, I never prayed so hard. I know it was tough over there, and that you've seen things no person should ever have to see. I just want you to know, if ever you need to talk about any of it, or if ever you feel overwhelmed with the memories, I will always be here for you. I cannot begin to comprehend what it must have been like, but I can listen and hold your hand if you need me. I well remember the day I picked you up from Camp Shelby when you got back, and you spoke those sweet words to me, "Mama, I am Honorably Discharged!"  I rejoiced that you made it back, and that you never had to go back. Had you decided to stay in, I would have supported you all the way, but I must say I am glad you didn't.  Once again, just let me say, "Welcome Home Soldier, I am Proud of You, My Son!..... HOOAAHH!"

     Your middle name was a little tougher, but your dad and I finally agreed on "Thomas".  That name came from several people in our family, as well as from the New Testament in the Bible.  The first person you were named after, and with whom you are most familiar, is your Papaw Thomas Edward Kittrell, my father.  Since my dad never had any boys, I wanted to continue his name in your name. I know you have been a great joy to him, and have made him very proud.  The second person you were named for, whom you nor I ever met, was my great-grandfather, Samuel Thomas Alawine (your great-great-grandfather).  He was my grandmother  (Mamaw's mother) Sylvia Dell Alawine Scarbrough's father.  You know I named your sister for her, but did you ever really know I named you for him?  My mamaw loved her daddy so much, and she told me many, many stories about him when I was growing up.  He, along with his father, built the little church over near the old home place called Alawine Springs Church of God on October 4, 1947.  The community I grew up in was named after them, Alawine Springs Community. He was a God-fearing, nature loving, hard working man who lived from May 8, 1874 til August 10, 1952, which made him 78 when he died.  He, along with his wife Maggie Skinner Alawine, raised 14 children through post Civil War South, the turn of the 20th century, the Great Depression, and two World Wars.  That in itself is a great feat of accomplishment! (It was all I could do to raise you and your sister!)  Never forget this part of your family Josh, they were great people, and they influenced so much of who I am today, as well as who you are.  And, last, you were named for the disciple Thomas in the New Testament, known as "Doubting Thomas", or Didymus (which means "twin", and so does the name Thomas). He was called "Doubting Thomas" because when he was first told about Jesus' resurrection, he doubted the story and said he wouldn't believe it unless he saw the scars in Jesus' hands.  He did later see those scars, and fell at Jesus' feet proclaiming "My Lord and my God" (John 20:28) . Later, he was perhaps the only apostle who went outside the Roman Empire to preach the Gospel. He is also believed to have crossed the largest area, including the Parthian Empire and India.  The apostle Thomas was born in the 1st century AD in Galilee, and died December 21, 72 AD in India.  He was a builder, or architect, as well as a teacher, preacher, disciple/apostle of Christ, and considered a great authority of Christ's teachings.  Read about the Apostle Thomas, there is much to be learned from him and his life.

     So, you see, you hold a great heritage in your names. Many people believe our names help to shape who we become.  This was very true also in Biblical times, when a child was named for his characteristics, or a special event surrounding his/her birth.  Study and learn all about your namesakes, Josh, and strive to honor them in all that you do and say.

     I've told you a little about your birth and your namesakes, now let me tell you some of my thoughts about your life...
     You were such a cute, fat little baby with the biggest smile! When you were very small, your were quiet (you still are), and was content to play quietly in your crib. When I would come into the room to get you out, you would always smile so big and reach for me and blow little spit bubbles! I used to laugh so hard at that.  You had a huge appetite as a baby (still do!) and I remember daddy and I would buy close to 75 jars of baby food a week. People used to think we were buying for the whole month when we went grocery shopping!  Your favorite baby foods were sweet potatoes, blueberries,  and cherry-vanilla pudding.  I remember by the time you were 6 months old you were nearly as big as your 3 yr old sister.  When you were a toddler you idolized your sister, she was your big hero! Everything you did, you would say, "Look at me Sybie (you couldn't say Sylvia)!"  You were so adorable, following her everywhere. You loved soap bubbles, and would play in your little Ninja Turtle pool for hours with the bubble wand, screaming with laughter when you made bubbles.  I have the cutest video of you and Sylvia playing with soap bubbles one summer when you were about 3, and you would yell, "Bubbles, Sybie, bubbles!"  Another time, I remember your sister got a new bike for Christmas. She was riding it down the driveway, crashing into my car to stop, every time.  You watched her for a few minutes, then went and got this huge tree limb, held it up behind your head like horns, and went running after her down the driveway yelling at the top of your lungs, "I'm a deer, look Sybie, I'm a deer!"   God, you were so cute, and so full of the joy of life! Those memories are so precious to me, they make me smile and cry at the same time.  

     As you got older, you turned into my little mad scientist.  One time, you came in the house with all these whelps on your arm, and strange little symbols and numbers beside each whelp.  When I asked you what you were doing, you calmly replied, "I'm conducting an experiment."  You went on to explain to me that you had let different ants bite you, and you had this whole list written down about each ant. It was divided into categories, and you were grading each ant on things like which one bit the longest, which one hurt the most, and which one made the biggest whelp!  I was impressed with your research, but dismayed with your methods!  Your sister used to get so upset when you used her hair barrettes to pin your bugs down with! Do you remember when you and Sylvia burned the hole in the floor and roof of the playhouse conducting one of your famous "experiments"? It's a wonder you didn't blow yourselves up!  Another of my favorite memories of your childhood was of all your critters and animals... Seemed like we had everything living in that house with us that God ever created!  My favorite of the critters was Ivan the Iguana. I remember how we fixed up his home so cool, and how we would walk him with his little harness on!  It was thanks to you, son, that I learned an iguana actually can have a personality and interact with humans. Remember how he loved to sit in you lap and let you stroke the top of his head with his eyes closed, looking for all the world like he was smiling!?  Another critter I remember so well was the garter snake.  He was so cool, but I couldn't stand watching him eat earthworms! I still  remember the day you came through the house looking for something nonchalantly, trying so hard not to look worried.  I asked you what you were looking for and you said, "just something".  After 3 trips through the house, I got serious and said "you better tell me what you lost".  You looked at me so calmly and very seriously said the words that freaked me out... "The snake got loose and I can't find him."  WHAT???!!!!  We looked that house over for that thing, not because I was afraid of him, but because I was Not going to bed and have it crawl in the sheets with me!  Remember where we found him?.... hiding under his aquarium tank!  I still laugh at that one (Sylvia never got over it I think).  One of my very fondest memories was the moths... oh, the million moths! You had gone out and collected all these little cocoons, and you had them All in your bedroom.  You couldn't wait til they hatched out! I didn't give them much thought until I was awakened one morning by a million moths flying around my head! All of those cocoons had hatched during the night, and they were all little brown moths!  It took us half the morning to get those things out of the house.  Then there was Mr. Coon the raccoon... I still have the scar where he bit my knuckle on my finger trying to get my ring off! He was cool, though, and so smart!  Ahh, the memories of your critters... the snake, spider (which I hated and was deathly afraid of), scorpion (which I hated more than the spider), ghecko (that ate Live crickets that chirped All The Time!), rabbit (ugh, that smell), and the countless cats and dogs.  Our first little Pomeranian, Rusty, became your best friend/security blanket. He went everywhere with you, and I remember how all three of us cried like little babies for hours the day he got run over. Then there was Stormy, and last, Willie, whom I recently buried alone.  And then, there was Chocco...  Every boy needs one good dog growing up, and I guess Chocco was yours. From the very first, you two had such a special bond.  I can remember you teaching him to retrieve a rock from the bottom of the pond at the farm in Chunky.  I was so shocked when you first demonstrated it to me! You threw this rock (that you had marked) into the pond in deep water, and when you said, "get it Chocco", that dog jumped in like nobody's business and went scuba diving for that rock! I thought he was going to drown for sure, but you assured me he would get the rock. Sure enough, after what seemed like hours, and after watching what I thought was his last breath bubbling in that water, up and out he came and dropped that rock at your feet, sat down, and waited for you to throw it back in! Wow! I was so impressed with your dog training skills, but I was touched to my core by the absolute love and trust that existed between you.  One of my very favorite childhood photos of you is of Chocco lying on the floor, and you lying on him like a pillow... both of you sound asleep....   We had so many various common and uncommon pets... horses, the llama, that crazy miniature sheep that you sheared!  They all left us with a legacy of good memories, laughter, and love. I don't think I've ever said this, but I want to say it now, "Thank you, son, for sharing my love of all creatures great and small. It is one of our common bonds which I treasure most."

     There are so many, many memories I treasure from your childhood, adolescence, and teenage years, it would take me another lifetime to list them all.... Your quirky sense of humor and endless pranks/jokes on me and your sister, your quiet thoughtful ways, your deep thinking mind, the strange food likes/dislikes we share and don't share, your sense of fairness, your courage.... I want to say a little bit about your courage.  I know that your adolescent years were really tough. I remember the quiet, shy boy who was too embarrassed to make friends with the neighbor boy. I also remember how you overcame, and later became good friends with that same boy.  I remember the struggles in school, and I rejoiced each time you found a way to conquer, whether it was grades, social pressures, or personal demons. I am so proud to be your mama, son... God could not have given me anyone better, and I wouldn't trade you for all the sons in the world. I love you, my son.

     I've talked about the past, now I want to talk about the present and the future.  You have picked a wonderful girl for your wife.  You don't know this, but I have prayed for your wife since you were born.  I remember when you were 4 yrs old you told me you were going to marry a girl with long golden hair and have a lot of kids!  I laughed at the time, that time was yesterday and today I turned around and you said, "I'm getting married Mama"....  So remember as you marry, your mama prayed for this girl from you baby days, and treat her like the treasure and answer to prayer that she is.  Other than accepting Christ as your Savior, this is the single most important decision and step you will ever take in your life.  Go about it seriously, soberly, and in prayer. Allow God to lead you as a man and as a husband, and you will not go astray in your marriage. Remember that your marriage is not two people, but three, God, your wife, and you... in that order. Read the Bible's words on marriage, they are  the guide to how to have a beautiful and successful marriage and family.  Always be honest with each other, trust is the greatest gift you give to each other in marriage.  Love unconditionally, because love conquers all, and Christ Himself told us "the greatest of these is Love".  Never go to bed angry, it breeds discontent and builds walls that are hard to tear down.  Put your wife's happiness before yours and you will find that you are happier as a result. Respect each other, in thought, word, and action. Never tear each other down in public, it will tear your relationship down in private.  Keep your private life private and intimate, it belongs only to your marriage and each other.  Decide now to be each other's ally and best friend, through all of the stresses that will come your way, including but not limited to: finances, births, deaths, child rearing, and the changes that come with old age.  I know, old age seems like an eternity away, but it is not. Yesterday I was your age, today I am a grandmother.  Time flies, and life will pass you by if you let it... Do Not Let Life Pass You By! Savor each moment, treasure each milestone, and always, always do everything with Love.  Follow God closely, and teach your children about God, they will need Him in this world....

     I know there are a thousand more things I should tell you and remind you of, but I have written a book and I must trust in God and the way I raised you to sustain you through whatever lies ahead on your path in life.  If you ever need me I will be there, whenever, wherever... Never doubt that you are special in my eyes, never forget you are a child of The King. When you find yourself, one day far down the road, hearing your child say "I'm getting married", remember this letter, and pass on any wisdom to your son or daughter.  Never forget the beautiful family you grew up in, son... we will always be a part of you.

I love you forever, 

Mama